“To Sleep, Perchance to Dream”

One of my goals for my Christmas break (which began today–yay!) is to break away from the nasty cycle of insomnia–I’m tired of staying up until one or two in the morning, the dark enveloping my thoughts in its tight, merciless grip. I wish I could look up at the night sky and see twinkling, optimistic little stars. Instead, I see distant points of light that remind me of just how small I really am.

I’ve never really liked nighttime at all, as you can tell.

The funny thing is, I always seem so awake during the time set aside for sleeping, even if I was exhausted the entire day. Today, for example, I drove six hours home and felt so tired as the familiar scenery flew by. It seems as if I’ve forgotten all about  the exhaustion I felt today, because now I sit behind the dim glow of my laptop trying to explain why in the heck I can’t sleep.

There’s really no concrete explanation, my friends.

My thoughts aren’t entirely anxious, although I’m not denying that anxiety is a key factor. A lot of times, I get so excited thinking about a future event that could be days, months, maybe years away and create fictional, yet wonderful, situations in which these events play out.

I guess you could say I do all my daydreaming while in the embrace of the unforgiving nighttime.

It’s a funny thing, insomnia. I feel as if it happens to those who are truly excited to take on the next day and the next, to those who are always scheming and daydreaming. It happens to those who thrive in the safety of the sunshine, yet shrink in the presence of an infinite blanket of stars that stir the deepest doubts that humanity harbors.

“To sleep, perchance to dream” {Hamlet}. If I accomplish one thing this entire break, it will be conquering the night’s heavy blanket of thinking and scheming and doubt, and succumbing to welcome rest.

Sweet dreams, everyone.

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